We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize