Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
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