The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
