If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
