At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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