Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
