the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
