i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
