i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just found puke in my bra..
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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