i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize