1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
