Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I need to sanitize my soul.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
