i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
