i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
