Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
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