I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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