I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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