No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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