She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
