The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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