Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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