Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
