This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
honey bunches of taint.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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