I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
