why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Holy sore nipples Batman
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
