I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
