yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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