Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
