I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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