I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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