Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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