I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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