3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I cockslap morals
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Randomize
