oh god the rape fog is back!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize