That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize
