I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Randomize
