shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
