It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
