watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
