dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
