We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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