and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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