I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i came on her dog
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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