Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
