i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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