my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
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