so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
