You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
