Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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