Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
