He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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