I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
