i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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