new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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