Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
