You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
