All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I had to cum in my sink.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
