i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Come on in and take your pants off
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