Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
