remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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