no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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