I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
