I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just found puke in my bra..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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