I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
