Taylor Swift is so right about you.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
