I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
