K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
