Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
