"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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