Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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