D3 body, D1 cock
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize