Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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