shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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