This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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