Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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