my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
