Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
