You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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