Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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