does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
