wake up i wanna do it froggy style
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
