dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
