I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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