You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
