I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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