we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
