Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
