She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
